don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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