I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
