i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
