She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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