the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am one with the molecules
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
