This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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