At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
