I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
