out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
