We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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