I'm so fucking centered right now
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
