She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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