Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
