...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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