Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
