things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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