When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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