I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
