He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
