I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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