I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
