She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
