Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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