Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
