he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
