If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
