After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
