Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pants are for mortals
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
