if only i could text you this smell
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
