Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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