hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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