one might say we're banned from that church
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
