Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
