I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
