dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize