You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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