Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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