I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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