Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
