then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
