Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
