I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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