smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think your dad took our porno
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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