Soap is not a condiment
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize