i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
