We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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