I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
