Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize