3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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