me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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