I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
