Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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