i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize