You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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