what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
