the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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