True but thats because hes a fetus.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
