im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
