i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
