i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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