Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
