im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
