WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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