Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
