No stitches, just platelets and will power
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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