I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize