Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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