My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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