Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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