I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
