going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
