Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
