i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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