O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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