my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
