jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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