if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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